I was powerfully convicted as I stood to offer my meager praise offering during the Sunday morning worship service this morning. Although I went to bed very late last night I was awakened at 5:30 this morning with no going back to sleep. I had time for catching up on my Bible reading, fixing breakfast for the kids and family and taking a prayer walk–just me and God–something I so rarely do these days. The peacefulness of this Sunday morning ministered to my restless heart. I had the chance to let scripture percolate through my mind in random samplings of edifying sweetness. I thought of how my crazed desire to get on with the next stage and the consuming desire to have this baby is a distorted purpose for me to have. I want to seek first His kingdom and righteousness and God will take care of “all these things.” The recurring theme of my learning to trust God rested upon my heart as I also thought of the preceding verses about each day having enough trouble of its own and how God tenderly cares for the sparrows and beautifully arrays the flowers. I have never felt this pregnant before. This baby has exhausted his or her leg room and loves to stretch a foot or two out for periods of time. It was funny to feel bump of that foot go back and forth with the movement of my body as I walked.  I enjoyed motherly musings–anticipation of meeting this little one and discovering whether it’s a boy or a girl then all the little personality details that become apparent over the days and months and years which will come. So a few hours later as I stood in worship beside my husband I thought of how though pregnancy can seem like a permanent dilapidation or a terminal illness, it is in reality a great blessing. Though at this moment I feel like I never want to endure another pregnancy, I was struck by the gift that I have been given that I will soon grow to cherish. So many of the songs we sang were about the cross and what Christ did for us. They were about the selfless love that bore Jesus Christ up to the cross and through which He endured the gut-wrenching anguish of separation from the Father. Through my impatience I make pregnancy a trial when it is a gift and a chance for the Father to show me His tender mercies at my most vulnerable state.  As I was singing a thought from Prince Caspian flashed through my mind. I thought of how Peter told his little sister that he thought they’d spent enough time waiting for Aslan to come. Lucy so touchingly displays that childlike trust we are all supposed to emulate. She looked for Aslan and found him. I realized that although I managed to be all caught up on my reading through the Bible at regular increments of time, I have not truly been seeking for God in my study of His word. I’ve barely even been studying it–just reading it. I felt shame for my apathy about the things which matter most! It was so clear to me that God wanted me to be there for the service this morning. All week long I have been dreading going to church pregnant another Sunday. I grow weary from bracing myself for all the comments about popping and timing and stomachs. Yet God in His goodness planned for me to be at church another Sunday and mercifully reminded me before I set foot in the church building that I need to quit thinking about myself and store up the Heavenly treasures He had in store for me this morning.